Sometimes you just gotta let go.....

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more

Its my day off and 4AM in the morning.......

So I find myself, at 4AM, on Wednesday morning unable to sleep and everyone I know is sleeping. As I lay in my bed watching TV, I am thinking about my future. While I do not know what lay ahead I will try and make it more positive. Lately everything has had a negative twist. Well I have accepted my faults and moved on, all on my own. I found that if you can't figure out your own problems then you are missing the vital portion of the solution. Identify the issue and solve it. Sure sometimes you cannot always do it yourself, but you know the problem and can ask for the help you need. Having people guess whats wrong with you just creates more problems because the people helping you have to guess what it is. My biggest problem is communication, I am working hard on this issue. Sometimes I don't know what words to say, or I speak before I think. This is my downfall, I say things that I don't mean. I mean as your speaking the first instinct is to say what is immediately on your mind. This is a mistake, you may have misinterpreted what was said, jumping to a conclusion and spitting out the first thing that pops into your head. This is hateful and sometimes a apology isn't fixing the issue. The deals already done, and the words have been said. This is not an easy thing to deal with and creates more long term issues. So long story short, think carefully before you open your mouth, you could make a terrible mistake. I know I have already made a few.

Enough with the lecture. I believe that was more of a lecture for me then anyone else, making a conscious effort to correct your own issues is the best answer. Stop and ask directions if you need help, but move forward on your own, having the issue dragged out of you won't work. Again moving on, I am gonna rest for a bit and then i have some errands to run later today. I will finish my weekly cleaning tomorrow and finish up the last load of laundry i have to do. Then I will probably chill out tomorrow night. Thursday, weather permitting, I will be headed to the lake again for a five mile walk. My niece said that she would go with me and we are teaching her puppy basic commands. My puppy, who is not really a puppy but an old dog loves the five mile trek. The walk wears out the puppy and my dog and relaxes me. I plan on walking two times a week now, once during the week and once on Sunday. This should help me lose some of my unwanted weight. I want to be in shape, yes I know round is a shape, but I want more. Well, I am gonna get outta here, glad I could share some of my thoughts and life processes with you. Also thank you for listening to me babble about my weekend. I am sure I will write more later, until then Sionara or Buh-Bye.......JP

Awake

I find myself writing again, not out of anger or being hurt today. Thank God. I admit that I am having a rough go at 2009. Needless to say IL am working to make it better, it doesn't happen overnight, but by god I am trying. I am starting a new account at work that should work rather well for me. Hopefully knowledge wise as well as monitarily. For once I find myself doing something I like and find very interesting. Sometimes I get bored at work, but for the most part I work. When I leave I am done with work, i don't have anything to follow up from at home. I am hopefully starting another part time job soon, which should prove to be really fun. I am no stranger to working multiple jobs. So just a new start to a "good year" is my toast to everyone. I am off to bed now.......Peace...jp

Holy Crap...........

Holy Crap......How can one person make you feel so terrible? How can I feel this bad every day? My life has been taken away from me more then once and this I would have to say is the worst yet. So I have come to realize that my heart has been broken more times than its healed. How do you recover from the agonizing pain of this? I have trusted enough to give my heart to the person I love the most, just to have it ripped back out. Then people wonder why I have trust issues. All I want to do is be happy with what I have and I cant even do that. I can't eat, I barely sleep and I constantly feel the pain of my current situation. I have given up on my heart, its way past repairable. I give up, I try to do the right thing and all the wrong things keep happening to me......HOW IS THIS FAIR?

The power of communication, my first blog.

I want to start out by apologizing to all who reads my blog, I am really quite new at this. I am trying a new way to communicate my feelings and get them out in the open instead of hiding them away for them to grow into a bad feeling or anger. See I don't think I was raised to communicate my feelings. My mom has always been supportive of my feelings and emotions, however my dad, has never been a real communicator. He attempts every now and then, but for the most part keeps everything in. Seeing that I am a boy I think I am trying to follow in my fathers foot prints. I don't want to do this, I think it's unhealthy and could cause me some serious issues. Sometimes I keep to myself, I am trying to change this, and sometimes I am an emotional hand basket. I think being that emotional is unhealthy too, it almost seems dramatic, which I am not trying to get attention or make people feel sorry for me, I am just trying to let it out.

Lately, things have been terrible, I feel alone and abandoned. I know there are a few friends who are always there and would do anything for me, but sometimes I just don't know how to talk to them. I am and have been trying to learn more communication skills, but in this subject I have to say that I really have no clue. Maybe someone has some pointers or general ideas on how to help. I am willing to try anything. So there it is my first blog, I am sure there is more to come. I have so much stuff going on right now I could make your heads spin, so I will save it and post accordingly. Hell I may even post a little later.

Oh and by the way, I know I put my blog as rated "R". This post is OK, but I am sure in the future there will be some language and vulgar stuff in here. You never know, so better to be safe then sorry, this is not a child's blog or a child's business to read. I believe it would damage them...lol.................JCP