Holy Crap...........

Holy Crap......How can one person make you feel so terrible? How can I feel this bad every day? My life has been taken away from me more then once and this I would have to say is the worst yet. So I have come to realize that my heart has been broken more times than its healed. How do you recover from the agonizing pain of this? I have trusted enough to give my heart to the person I love the most, just to have it ripped back out. Then people wonder why I have trust issues. All I want to do is be happy with what I have and I cant even do that. I can't eat, I barely sleep and I constantly feel the pain of my current situation. I have given up on my heart, its way past repairable. I give up, I try to do the right thing and all the wrong things keep happening to me......HOW IS THIS FAIR?

The power of communication, my first blog.

I want to start out by apologizing to all who reads my blog, I am really quite new at this. I am trying a new way to communicate my feelings and get them out in the open instead of hiding them away for them to grow into a bad feeling or anger. See I don't think I was raised to communicate my feelings. My mom has always been supportive of my feelings and emotions, however my dad, has never been a real communicator. He attempts every now and then, but for the most part keeps everything in. Seeing that I am a boy I think I am trying to follow in my fathers foot prints. I don't want to do this, I think it's unhealthy and could cause me some serious issues. Sometimes I keep to myself, I am trying to change this, and sometimes I am an emotional hand basket. I think being that emotional is unhealthy too, it almost seems dramatic, which I am not trying to get attention or make people feel sorry for me, I am just trying to let it out.

Lately, things have been terrible, I feel alone and abandoned. I know there are a few friends who are always there and would do anything for me, but sometimes I just don't know how to talk to them. I am and have been trying to learn more communication skills, but in this subject I have to say that I really have no clue. Maybe someone has some pointers or general ideas on how to help. I am willing to try anything. So there it is my first blog, I am sure there is more to come. I have so much stuff going on right now I could make your heads spin, so I will save it and post accordingly. Hell I may even post a little later.

Oh and by the way, I know I put my blog as rated "R". This post is OK, but I am sure in the future there will be some language and vulgar stuff in here. You never know, so better to be safe then sorry, this is not a child's blog or a child's business to read. I believe it would damage them...lol.................JCP